lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
