He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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