Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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