We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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