There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
