I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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