Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I want to make a zoo with you.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
