Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
