I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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