I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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