why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
