So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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