he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
