I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
