My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
