I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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