I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
smell my finger.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
