I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
