He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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