i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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