we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
