I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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