I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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