We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
