I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
