I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
