Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
