I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
