My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
