when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
