She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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