I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
