Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
