i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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