I just cut my nipple shaving
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
