It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
