that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize