Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
