I've blown a few things in my day
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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