Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
