cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
