dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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