so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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