I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
