whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
