dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
