Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
