Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
