omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
