Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
