Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
