I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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