well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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