And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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