Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
