she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
