So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize