How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
vagina is talking i cant
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
