Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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