There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
