whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
