and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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