I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
