Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
