Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
