I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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