Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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