I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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