I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
