sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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