I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
