omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
