Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
