my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
