dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
