You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
