It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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