Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
