im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
