at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize