Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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