a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
