She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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