ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
