I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
