I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
